There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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