You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I didn't notice because vodka
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
