Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
