im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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