Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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