Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
this hospital has no fireball
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
