You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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