New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
