Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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