Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
