I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
