so explain again why im purple
no
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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