Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
