he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
