I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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