I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
