Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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