moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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