so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
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you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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