No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Im part way to drunk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
