It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
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I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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