in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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