It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
