I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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