i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
