Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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