I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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