Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
