i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
