Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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