"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
