Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
