NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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