im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
