oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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