The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
