That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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