I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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