I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
