i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
