Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
