Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
