There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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