Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
