After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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