whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize