I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
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I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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