Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
