I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
