if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
