The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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