I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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