Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
