it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
