I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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