she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
