i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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