remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
