So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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