Your mouth is God's brothel.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
