my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
