my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
