Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
