Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
