I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
