Jerry, you need to find god
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
