worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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