I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
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